NaTuRaL StUpEfAcTiOn
by Wr3n
Summary: The Lone Wanderer, hero, hedonist, addict, seems to have her fingers in everything in the Wasteland. And tonight, those busy fingers are sticky with Oasis' special Sap. *OnEsHoT/contains some Branchtender Linden*


**M**y eyes felt so slow. They seemed heavy and bulbously round. It felt like having raider cue balls stuck in my skull for makeshift eyeballs. But, despite that awkwardness, everything I looked at seemed so stinking beautiful. Garishly bright too, and yet strangely muted all at the same time. It changed endlessly in pulsing contractions. All that I stared at for more than a second, either began blurring and melding together or shifting into different shapes and sizes, which was really dizzying. But in a good way. This would be the third time I tasted the Sap from the Treeminder's Basin of Purification…though this particular dose was much smaller than the first and therefore, more controllable and way more fun.

A gradual, lopsided grin crawled over my face. I felt myself swaying a little, as I held my sticky, sap-covered fingertips up before my addled eyes. After a second's intent staring, my slender, pink fingers seemed to waver and shiver, growing into confused smears of flashing pink as I twiddled them funnily.

"I really like this Sap," I heard myself murmur, still wiggling my fingers and hand around like a Centaur's flapping tongue. An image which creeped me out a little as I thought more about it. I didn't want a Centaur tongue for a hand…

Branchtender Linden grinned comically at his surroundings. He was sitting slumped over, against the wooden log-bench behind him, simply gaping, starry-eyed at everything. His Treeminder's hood was pulled over his head, shadowing his face kind of eerily, despite the flickering and highly distracting blaze of torchlight surrounding us. It almost looked like he had no face, just a yawning dark hole for a head. The dark branches sticking out of his old robes seemed to swivel and move around like tree-bark worms. He looked like some kind of creature to me. I wouldn't particularly like to meet a Branchtender Linden Demon out in the Wastes, now that I looked at one. I'd fill him with hot lead before he knew I was even there. Or shoot at his no-head from a safe, long distance with my Gauss Rifle. But maybe it'd just pass right through…

"Never've used the Sap the way you do…Outsider," he drawled slowly, sounding like his mouth was caked in dry Abraxo Cleaner. "I don't mind it, but I won't do it again…"

Linden was definitely more stoned than I was. I could tell, easy. I've been around, seen a lot and done a lot…too much maybe some would say. But, the big tough, generally quiet man used to be with the Brotherhood of Steel, till he was exiled to become an Outcast. You don't usually see many jetting or stoned old Brothers, so this was a real treat! But now he was just a simple, gentle little Treeminder, hiding away in the Capital Wasteland, full of bad, bitter old memories and holding on to an unspoken oath to Oasis. Whatever he was or used to be, though, he was quite heartily blitzed now. And it was awesomely satisfying to see the, usually sedate, Branchtender Linden this way. I almost found it attractive in a way, actually. But, that was just the Sap whispering away in my spinning head.

_Still_, I thought to myself, _I'm better off getting my Sap-induced wiggle on with Linden than anyone else I know. But he looks so weird right now, freaky…all dark and branchy-like. Maybe if he took his hood off? I'm glad he decided to Sap with me. Maybe that means something? _

I blinked dumbly and finally lowered my slightly numbed hand. I leaned my lightened body heavily against the Basin of Purification for support, or maybe for an anchor. I was kind of feeling like the breath of my own voice would bluster out too hard and scoot me away on the night-winds. "Linden," I mumbled quietly, not really feeling like blowing away at the moment, "there are probably a lot of things in this hellhole you've used without any imagination." I replied, though very belatedly, I realized. I might as well have kept jiggling my hand all around. Watch it bloom into a fleshy little skin-flower.

I couldn't quite tell, but I think Linden frowned. Or, it sounded like he was frowning. "Oasis is _not_ a hellhole," he mumbled glumly, "Everything outside of it is."

I laughed. My hands were suddenly hungrily feeling the coarse bark of the stumpy Basin behind me of their own volition. "That's what I meant, Linden!" I joked, "Oasis is too fucking pure to be a hellhole. Ever. That's why I didn't kill Harold, you know. He asked me to…" I retorted. My fingers were nearly seething with raw sensation as I rubbed them across the wrinkled grains of the Basin of Purification. I smiled to myself, thinking it was more a Basin of Stupefaction tonight. Oh, how old Harold would laugh if he saw us, poor old Tree-God. Sapling Yew said he didn't have pockets. She said was a silly-head. But he really was, he should never have asked me to kill him, I could never have done it. Not a chance. Herbert- Bob didn't want to die just Harold… the silly-head.

_I should go talk__ to him later_, I thought, _I haven't said hello to him today. Sapling Yew would have though. But she's like ten… so whatever._

Linden suddenly lurched his body away from the log-bench behind him. I gazed at him with wide, cue-ball-eyes, vaguely concerned, but mostly just curious, as he began to crawl across the Pavilion floorboards on all fours. "Are you sick?" I asked, my voice coming out in a sloppy hiss. Branchtender Linden looked more like an odd creature than he had before, while he scuttled sluggishly along on his hands and knees. I stopped myself from recoiling as he came near and sat lazily in front of me. The Branchtender Linden Demon. No-face of the Wastes, worm-bark robed man. I still liked him though. Maybe I shouldn't shoot him if I found him in the Capital Wasteland. He would have to attack me first, I guess.

Linden though, just placed his heavy hand on my knee. And I totally forgot about him being a Demon, and about killing him. Warmth seemed to develop beneath his large palm and I couldn't help but hold my breath anxiously. "I have imagination, Outsider," he muffled. It seemed like his lips were too slow for his words. Oh, his lips. "I sure have an imagination!" he slurred happily.

I cocked my head and tried my best to look dubious. But all I could think about was him touching me more. "Oh, you do?" I asked, haltingly sarcastic, "How's that?" I decided egging him on as of now was a very, very good idea. I felt bad in more ways than one. Poor Linden creature didn't know what he was getting into.

My body involuntarily twinged with Sap-enhanced delight as Linden smiled and squeezed my knee with his strong fingers. And when he started rubbing his hand up and down a little, surging warm shocks went straight through the core of me. I stared at the Branchtender stupidly, all my focus on the play of sensations he was absently creating. Oh yes, Sap was a good, good thing. These seed-herding, frond-worshipping hippies didn't know what they had here!

Linden took his hand from my knee and clumsily shuffled closer, though he swayed precariously from side to side. I leaned in close to the Branchtender coaxingly. He reached up and swatted his hood off of his head, revealing a very intoxicated looking face. His eyes were glinting with the Sap's effects and he wore a softly stupid grin. I almost felt like I was taking advantage of him…but…I couldn't help myself now, it was too nice.

Linden reached up his hand and managed to place it tenderly against the side of my face. I determined that that was probably the last place I wanted his hand, there were far better places for it to go. Linden was not using his imagination yet, I decided. Linden leaned into me close, so close I could smell the bitter, musky tang of Sap on his breath. I almost reeled with the suspense, his lips were so close to my own, I could almost already taste them, humanly salty, bitter from Sap, probably firm but soft-feeling…Oh, yes.

"You really like the Sap, Outsider," he muttered huskily, "and I really like you…" Linden smiled and grunted out a long bungling laugh. And then he stopped and was gone from my sight so fast I stared in shocked. He fell over. Fucking bastard.

I stared down at Branchtender Linden. I felt completely cheated. My heart was still pumping and wildly bucking beneath my breast, which had gone quite unfortunately untouched. I was still hot all over. What about my wiggle? What about _his_ wiggle? I smiled all at once and couldn't help laughing as I thought about that. _His wiggler probably can't do anything _but_ wiggle in his robes, right now! _I mused. I laughed to myself helplessly for a minute or two and then grew miserably despondent. Either I needed more Sap or follow the Sap-_impotent_ Branchtender and get some sleep.

_Brotherhood bastard, _I thought, wretchedly to myself, _I'll have to do the rest myself..._

As I stood up and began to stumble my way to my bed pallet off in the groves, I found myself muttering: "Fuckin' waste of Sap." I left Linden to lie alone on the Pavilion floorboards. "Pleasant dreams, _Treeminder_," I grumbled sarcastically and stalked off to finish what Linden had started.


End file.
